The Greatest Snark of All

“To the students of color at Mizzou, we stand with you in solidarity. To those who would threaten their sense of safety, we are watching.

Yeah, they want safety from people who would disagree with their cry baby narcissism… Mommy Government make them stop! 🙂

<span class='image-component__caption' itemprop="caption">Students at Yale stand in solidarity with Mizzou. </span> Ken Yanagisawa Students at Yale stand in solidarity with Mizzou. 

The guy who started it is from a 1%er multi-million dollar capitalist family….

Oh, and it’s a Hoax, just like “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot”. Gee, no one saw that coming…Least of all Zombie Liberals.

Nice COMMUNIST Symbology. Learn that in College did we? 🙂

*******

SO with that, Matt Walsh:

Dear Walmart,

I am writing to inform you of a terrible attack I suffered in one of your stores this week. The assault against me was so violent and oppressive that I had to immediately retreat to my healing space, where I lay whimpering on the floor for three and a half days, barely able to move or breathe. I emerge now, courageously, only because I must see that those responsible are made to answer for their crimes. I feel deeply triggered even speaking about it, but I must soldier on, in the name of #Justice.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

It all started in the parking lot of my local Walmart. I was walking from my car to the store, minding my own business, when suddenly another customer, a man, walked up and accosted me. I should pause here and apologize to the transgender, agender, nongender, pangender, bigender, trigender, and quasigender communities if they feel offended or victimized because I’m labeling this individual a man. To be honest, he never mentioned his gender identity, and I would be the last person to ever assume anything about anyone. But in this case I feel comfortable guessing that the entity in question was a man because, in my experience, only cisgender white Christian Republican middle class heterosexual men are ever guilty of doing anything wrong. Anyway, I don’t really believe in labels, except for the five or six labels I just used in the previous sentence.

So, back to the incident. The man came alongside me, out of nowhere and without invitation, and immediately started sharing opinions with me. They were bad opinions. Opinions I didn’t like. Opinions that were different and confusing and scary. Opinions that shouldn’t exist. Opinions that made me feel delegimitized and otherized and vaporized. Literally vaporized. The opinions were like a death ray that zapped me and reduced me to ash and rubble.

Somehow, in the midst of this barrage, I was able to let out a desperate shriek. “STOP,” I yelled. “STOP. DEAR GOD. STOP.” He looked at me and even his look was offensive because I could tell in his head he was still thinking opinions that weren’t my opinions. “HOW DARE YOU DEVALUE MY LIFE EXPERIENCES,” I shouted.

He told me he had no idea what that meant. I could tell he’d never been to college. I put up my hands – just like they teach us in college – and started screaming “SAFE SPACE, SAFE SPACE, I’M IN MY SAFE SPACE” over and over again.

I thought that was the end of it. They told me in college nobody is allowed to think differently, and if anyone ever does think differently, all I need to do is run to my safe space. Everyone has to respect my safe space, which isn’t to be confused with my healing space, although my healing space must also be respected.

But these defenses were useless against the man. He only upped the ante. He insulted me. INSULTED ME. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? He formed words with his lips and ejected sounds from his throat and those sounds came out in the form of insults. He called me names. All kinds of names. All kinds of terrible, awful names. I’d repeat them here but I fear it would only cause others to experience the trauma I am now suffering.

I ran away from the man. I ran away as fast as I could, but he was still shouting words, and I felt like I might never escape. Eventually I made it into the store. In a haze of anxiety and confusion I grabbed several items from the shelf and tried to leave without paying for them. The manager stopped me. I explained to him that I’d just been insulted by some guy outside. He said he’s sorry about that but it doesn’t mean I get to steal.

Steal? STEAL? I’d just been mugged by opinions and insults moments earlier, and now I was being accused of doing something that I was in the process of doing? I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe any of it. Is there no end to the intolerance?

I have been meditating on this series of tragedies ever since that day. It has become clear to me, especially in light of the inspiring protests at the University of Missouri, that I have no choice but to demand the immediate resignation of Walmart CEO Doug McMillon.

You might call me ridiculous. You might say this story sounds at least partially fabricated. You might say that even if it isn’t, it has nothing to do with the CEO of the company, nor does it have anything to do with the company at all. You might say this was one unpleasant man who said unpleasant things, and there’s no reason why anyone from Walmart should have to answer for it. You might say there’s really no reason why anything at all should be done, frankly. People say mean things to other people sometimes, you might say. There’s not always a remedy or a recourse, nor should we try to find one, you might say.

But you are only saying this because you are white and privileged. I myself do not identify as white. My mother’s step-dad’s aunt’s hairdresser’s cousin visited an Indian reservation in the 50s, so I naturally consider myself part Cherokee — or Mohican or Aztec or whatever. Indeed, I suspect the man at Walmart probably chose to attack me because he harbors bigotries against Native Americans. At one point he even said “I harbor bigotries against Native Americans.” I know that doesn’t sound like something an actual person would say, even if they do harbor bigotries against Native Americans, but anyone who accuses me of exaggerating obviously harbors bigotries against Native Americans.

So I must insist that Doug McMillon take responsibility for fostering an environment where people feel comfortable having bigotries and opinions in the parking lots of his stores. I can’t point to any one specific thing Mr. McMillon has done to create this issue, but that is precisely the problem. His inaction is the real outrage here.

Indeed, what has Mr. McMillon done? What has he done to stop people from saying mean things in and around the nation’s Walmarts? Has he posted signs reminding us not to share our opinions with one another? Has he officially declared Walmarts to be No Insult Zones? Has he made any attempt to give his customers a true understanding of the impact hurtful words have on marginalized populations? Has he set up safe spaces in his stores where those dealing with the effects of unpleasant phrases and ideas can go to regroup and share their feelings? Has he followed the progressive lead of the University of Missouri and established racially segregated healing spaces so that different minority groups can be vulnerable around others who share their authentic racial experiences? Has he instituted mandatory inclusivity and sensitivity seminars for all of his employees and customers? Has he conducted awareness campaigns to make people aware of things? Has he then followed those awareness campaigns with awareness awareness campaigns to make people aware of the awareness? Has he even taken the basic step of offering free Yoga classes in the back of every Walmart to help his customer de-stress?

Has he done any of this? No? Nothing? Exactly.

At this point, the only recourse is for Mr. McMillon to issue a public apology, resign his post, forfeit his severance, donate all of his money to a hippy commune or public university of my choice, burn his house down, and live the rest of his life under a bridge. I can see no other solution.

Next, I am forced to demand the manager of my local store resign and repay me the money he made me hand over for the items I tried to allegedly steal. Also, I demand that the governor of Maryland be arrested, the president impeached, the U.N. disbanded, and Australia nuked into oblivion. All of these people, organizations, and countries did nothing to stop that man from insulting me, and they must all pay the price, even in their own blood if necessary. I wish it did not have to come to this, but it isn’t my fault. I’m simply a man who reasonably expects to only ever encounter sweetness and smiles and happy thoughts, as is my constitutional right.

Going forward, once the requisite blood sacrifices have been made to atone for the opinions and insults of one man, I make the following further demands:

  • I demand that anyone who has been injured by emotional or mental violence be permitted to purchase products without paying for them. People cannot be financially burdened during such a difficult time. To achieve social justice, aggrieved minorities must be given free stuff. They teach this on the first day of college.
  • I demand that Walmart corporate offices hire new staff according to an arbitrary quota formula I will devise. I’ll get back to you with the specifics, but I know for sure that there should be at least 12 Native Americans, 24 black Americans, 37 homosexuals, 321 transgenders, and 600 bisexual Hispanic feminists holding high ranking positions in your company. This is just obvious. Companies that are not run by victims cannot understand victims, and if they cannot understand victims, they cannot prevent victims from being victimized, which is really the primary job of every company and every person everywhere.
  • I demand that Walmart greeters be replaced with therapeutic asexual cuddlers. It is appalling that I ran through your store with tears streaming down my cheeks and not one – not ONE – employee offered to cuddle me and make me feel better. Every employee should be given consensual cuddle training, and there ought to be at least two specialists stationed by the entrances and exits of the stores. Again, this is obvious stuff.
  • I demand that Walmart identify marginalized employees and customers and immediately make them general managers of their own stores.
  • I demand that all customers and employees be required to ride electric scooters so that the elderly and the morbidly obese don’t feel otherized.
  • I demand that Walmart develop a strategic five year plan to end hurting and sadness. During this process, you must cooperate and consult with the Social Justice Diversity Tolerance Outreach and Inclusiveness Center, which is an institution you’ll also have to create and fund and operate and staff.

I am hereby beginning a #HungerStrike until my demands are met. Some might call me a #HeroForSocialJustice but I like to think I’m just a regular guy who’s finally taking a stand. Heroically.

You have 12 hours to do everything I’ve commanded, or else your stores will be flooded with a racially and sexually diverse group of young, well-dressed, upper middle class protesters who will hold signs and chant slogans and Tweet about the oppression you’ve brought upon them.

The clock is ticking.

Sincerely,

A #Victim

AMEN, my brother. 🙂

Political Cartoons by Glenn McCoy

Ministry of Truth Moderates?

I still don’t understand why the GOP has the Liberal Media moderating their debates. I just don’t get it. And apparently last night it showed.

I didn’t watch it for precisely the reason that apparently happened. The Liberal Media wanted to incite a fight and make the GOP look bad.

It’s like asking the Wolf to guard the chicken coup. The Big Bad Wolf to watch the sheep.

It’s idiotic. And apparently last night it showed.

‘The questions asked so far illustrate why the American people don’t trust the media. This is not a cage match,’ Cruz said 

‘Look at the questions: “Donald Trump, are you a comic-book villain?” “Ben Carson, can you do math?” “John Kasich, will you insult two people over here?” “Marco Rubio, why don’t you resign?” “Jeb Bush, why have your numbers fallen?”‘ 

‘How about talking about the substantive issues that people care about?’

Cruz earned the night’s loudest single wave of applause for that outburst. 

Rubio followed him with additional slams on the U.S. political press corps after Trump demanded an end to ‘scam’ super PACs that ‘are causing some very bad decisions to be made by some very good people.’

‘The Democrats have their own super PAC,’ Rubio claimed. ‘It’s called the mainstream media.’ 

You just now figured that out? Really??

“The CNBC moderators acted less like journalists and more like Clinton campaign operatives.  What was supposed to be a serious debate about the many issues plaguing our economy was given up for one Democratic talking point after another served up by the so-call ‘moderators.’  They clearly war-gamed this thinking that a relentless series of personal attacks on the candidates would somehow drive their ratings and help Hillary Clinton.

The CNBC debate will go down in history as an encyclopedic example of liberal media bias on stage.  The audience roared its disdain for these so-called ‘journalists,’ and all of America heard it.  CNBC should be embarrassed for their pitiful display of partisan liberal media bias and apologize to the GOP candidates and the American people.”– Brent Bozell

Except by the Liberal Media itself I bet. 🙂

“Congressional Republicans, Democrats and the White House are about to strike a compromise that would raise the debt limit, prevent a government shutdown, and calm financial markets of the fear that a Washington crisis is on the way. Does your opposition to it show you’re not the kind of problem-solver that American voters want?” CNBC anchor Carl Quintanilla asked the presidential candidate.

That’s questions more loaded than a drunk at bar at 2am. And more slanted than the drunk trying to walk home afterwards!

“So you don’t actually want to hear the answer, John?” Cruz called out the anchor. “You don’t want to hear the answer, you just want to incite insults.”

“You used your time on something else,” a dismissive Harwood said.

Which was: “The questions being asked shouldn’t be trying to get people to tear into each other, it should be what are your substantive solutions to people at home,” Cruz said before getting cut off.

“You’re not interested in an answer,” Cruz scolded.

No, he really wasn’t. He wanted to incite insults and violence to make you look bad. That was his job.

A half-hour after the debate ended, CNBC had turned off the TV monitors in the press filing center, effectively hiding its own post-debate broadcast coverage from the hundreds of reporters who traveled to cover the event.

Frank Luntz, the legendary Republican pollster, hosted a focus group during the debate as he has for each of the other Republican intra-party clashes.

’23 of tonight’s 26 focus group participants watched all three broadcasts.,’ he tweeted. ‘They ALL said @CNBC mod[erator]s were the worst.’

Why do you have The Ministry of Truth running your Debates? It makes NO sense!

And New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who had few spotlight moments, lit into the moderators for asking a question about whether the federal government should regulate pay-for-play fantasty football competitions online.

‘Wait a second,’ he said, firing rhetorical bullets at the CNBC anchor desk: ‘We have $19 trillion in debt, people out of work, ISIS and al Qaeda attacking us – and we’re talking about fantasy football?’ 

The Liberals don’t want you talk about those things that THEY fucked up. Why the hell would they want that?

Inanities is what they do best.

‘How about we get the government to do what they’re supposed to be doing?’ an agitated Christie shouted. ‘Enough on fantasy football. Let people play! Who cares?’ 

Moments earlier, Christie had lit into moderator John Harwood for interrupting him in mid-answer. 

‘Even in New Jersey,’ he said, ‘what you’re doing is called “rude”.’ 

The network’s chief moderator, John Harwood, found himself in trouble early for claiming Rubio’s tax plan was the subject of an aggressive takedown at the hands of the nonpartisan Tax Foundation.

He told the debate’s audience that the organization scored the Rubio plan ‘and concluded that you give nearly twice as much of a gain in after-tax income to the top one-percent as to people in the middle of the income scale.’

So the moderator is preaching partisan BS instead of asking questions, ghee, why didn’t you see that coming GOP? The Ministry of Truth is there to make you look bad and to plant questions that are slanted so far to the left they are one dimensional.

‘Since you’re a champion of Americans living paycheck to paycheck, don’t you have that backward?’ Harwood asked him.

‘No,’ Rubio corrected him. ‘You wrote a story on it. You had to go back and correct it.’

‘No, I didn’t,’ Harwood insisted.

Harwood, though, tweeted his correction on October 14. 

‘Tax Foundation says Rubio benefits lowest 10% proportionally more than top 1%,’ that tweet read. 

A “Narrative” correction? 🙂

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The Ministry of Truth has an agenda. and a Narrative. But yet let them “moderate” your “debate”?

Why?

The Colorado debate began with a round of navel-gazing as CNBC host John Harwood asked the 10 assembled candidates, job-interview style, to describe their biggest weaknesses.

WTF!

Would they ask Hillary or Bernie Sanders that question? Really??

QUOTH THE DONALD: ‘I am now in Colorado looking forward to what I am sure will be a very unfair debate!’ (Daily Mail)

Ya Think! 🙂

Media critic Howard Kurtz analyzes the behavior of the CNBC debate moderators, particularly John Harwood, on FOX News’ Kelly File:

KURTZ: Megyn, this was an absolute trainwreck for CNBC. Many of the moderators’ questions seemed to be snide, hostile, condescending, borderline insulting. And let me just make clear: I’m totally in favor of tough and provocative questions. When you do that, sometimes audience doesn’t like it, sometimes the candidates don’t like it. But a lot of the questions were not drilling down on facts or record or policy. When John Harwood says Trump, comic book campaign, or do you have the moral authority to be president? When Carl Quintanilla asked Marco Rubio — who had a good night by the way — are you a young man in a hurry? Shouldn’t you wait a few years to run for president? It just validated what a lot of people think about the mainstream media — and this channel is affiliated of course with NBC News — that they cannot be fair to Republicans.

WHY WOULD YOU EXPECT THEM TO BE?

That’s the question I want answered.

Political Cartoons by Glenn McCoy
Political Cartoons by Chip Bok