The Greatest Snark of All

“To the students of color at Mizzou, we stand with you in solidarity. To those who would threaten their sense of safety, we are watching.

Yeah, they want safety from people who would disagree with their cry baby narcissism… Mommy Government make them stop! 🙂

<span class='image-component__caption' itemprop="caption">Students at Yale stand in solidarity with Mizzou. </span> Ken Yanagisawa Students at Yale stand in solidarity with Mizzou. 

The guy who started it is from a 1%er multi-million dollar capitalist family….

Oh, and it’s a Hoax, just like “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot”. Gee, no one saw that coming…Least of all Zombie Liberals.

Nice COMMUNIST Symbology. Learn that in College did we? 🙂

*******

SO with that, Matt Walsh:

Dear Walmart,

I am writing to inform you of a terrible attack I suffered in one of your stores this week. The assault against me was so violent and oppressive that I had to immediately retreat to my healing space, where I lay whimpering on the floor for three and a half days, barely able to move or breathe. I emerge now, courageously, only because I must see that those responsible are made to answer for their crimes. I feel deeply triggered even speaking about it, but I must soldier on, in the name of #Justice.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

It all started in the parking lot of my local Walmart. I was walking from my car to the store, minding my own business, when suddenly another customer, a man, walked up and accosted me. I should pause here and apologize to the transgender, agender, nongender, pangender, bigender, trigender, and quasigender communities if they feel offended or victimized because I’m labeling this individual a man. To be honest, he never mentioned his gender identity, and I would be the last person to ever assume anything about anyone. But in this case I feel comfortable guessing that the entity in question was a man because, in my experience, only cisgender white Christian Republican middle class heterosexual men are ever guilty of doing anything wrong. Anyway, I don’t really believe in labels, except for the five or six labels I just used in the previous sentence.

So, back to the incident. The man came alongside me, out of nowhere and without invitation, and immediately started sharing opinions with me. They were bad opinions. Opinions I didn’t like. Opinions that were different and confusing and scary. Opinions that shouldn’t exist. Opinions that made me feel delegimitized and otherized and vaporized. Literally vaporized. The opinions were like a death ray that zapped me and reduced me to ash and rubble.

Somehow, in the midst of this barrage, I was able to let out a desperate shriek. “STOP,” I yelled. “STOP. DEAR GOD. STOP.” He looked at me and even his look was offensive because I could tell in his head he was still thinking opinions that weren’t my opinions. “HOW DARE YOU DEVALUE MY LIFE EXPERIENCES,” I shouted.

He told me he had no idea what that meant. I could tell he’d never been to college. I put up my hands – just like they teach us in college – and started screaming “SAFE SPACE, SAFE SPACE, I’M IN MY SAFE SPACE” over and over again.

I thought that was the end of it. They told me in college nobody is allowed to think differently, and if anyone ever does think differently, all I need to do is run to my safe space. Everyone has to respect my safe space, which isn’t to be confused with my healing space, although my healing space must also be respected.

But these defenses were useless against the man. He only upped the ante. He insulted me. INSULTED ME. Do you understand what I’m saying to you? He formed words with his lips and ejected sounds from his throat and those sounds came out in the form of insults. He called me names. All kinds of names. All kinds of terrible, awful names. I’d repeat them here but I fear it would only cause others to experience the trauma I am now suffering.

I ran away from the man. I ran away as fast as I could, but he was still shouting words, and I felt like I might never escape. Eventually I made it into the store. In a haze of anxiety and confusion I grabbed several items from the shelf and tried to leave without paying for them. The manager stopped me. I explained to him that I’d just been insulted by some guy outside. He said he’s sorry about that but it doesn’t mean I get to steal.

Steal? STEAL? I’d just been mugged by opinions and insults moments earlier, and now I was being accused of doing something that I was in the process of doing? I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe any of it. Is there no end to the intolerance?

I have been meditating on this series of tragedies ever since that day. It has become clear to me, especially in light of the inspiring protests at the University of Missouri, that I have no choice but to demand the immediate resignation of Walmart CEO Doug McMillon.

You might call me ridiculous. You might say this story sounds at least partially fabricated. You might say that even if it isn’t, it has nothing to do with the CEO of the company, nor does it have anything to do with the company at all. You might say this was one unpleasant man who said unpleasant things, and there’s no reason why anyone from Walmart should have to answer for it. You might say there’s really no reason why anything at all should be done, frankly. People say mean things to other people sometimes, you might say. There’s not always a remedy or a recourse, nor should we try to find one, you might say.

But you are only saying this because you are white and privileged. I myself do not identify as white. My mother’s step-dad’s aunt’s hairdresser’s cousin visited an Indian reservation in the 50s, so I naturally consider myself part Cherokee — or Mohican or Aztec or whatever. Indeed, I suspect the man at Walmart probably chose to attack me because he harbors bigotries against Native Americans. At one point he even said “I harbor bigotries against Native Americans.” I know that doesn’t sound like something an actual person would say, even if they do harbor bigotries against Native Americans, but anyone who accuses me of exaggerating obviously harbors bigotries against Native Americans.

So I must insist that Doug McMillon take responsibility for fostering an environment where people feel comfortable having bigotries and opinions in the parking lots of his stores. I can’t point to any one specific thing Mr. McMillon has done to create this issue, but that is precisely the problem. His inaction is the real outrage here.

Indeed, what has Mr. McMillon done? What has he done to stop people from saying mean things in and around the nation’s Walmarts? Has he posted signs reminding us not to share our opinions with one another? Has he officially declared Walmarts to be No Insult Zones? Has he made any attempt to give his customers a true understanding of the impact hurtful words have on marginalized populations? Has he set up safe spaces in his stores where those dealing with the effects of unpleasant phrases and ideas can go to regroup and share their feelings? Has he followed the progressive lead of the University of Missouri and established racially segregated healing spaces so that different minority groups can be vulnerable around others who share their authentic racial experiences? Has he instituted mandatory inclusivity and sensitivity seminars for all of his employees and customers? Has he conducted awareness campaigns to make people aware of things? Has he then followed those awareness campaigns with awareness awareness campaigns to make people aware of the awareness? Has he even taken the basic step of offering free Yoga classes in the back of every Walmart to help his customer de-stress?

Has he done any of this? No? Nothing? Exactly.

At this point, the only recourse is for Mr. McMillon to issue a public apology, resign his post, forfeit his severance, donate all of his money to a hippy commune or public university of my choice, burn his house down, and live the rest of his life under a bridge. I can see no other solution.

Next, I am forced to demand the manager of my local store resign and repay me the money he made me hand over for the items I tried to allegedly steal. Also, I demand that the governor of Maryland be arrested, the president impeached, the U.N. disbanded, and Australia nuked into oblivion. All of these people, organizations, and countries did nothing to stop that man from insulting me, and they must all pay the price, even in their own blood if necessary. I wish it did not have to come to this, but it isn’t my fault. I’m simply a man who reasonably expects to only ever encounter sweetness and smiles and happy thoughts, as is my constitutional right.

Going forward, once the requisite blood sacrifices have been made to atone for the opinions and insults of one man, I make the following further demands:

  • I demand that anyone who has been injured by emotional or mental violence be permitted to purchase products without paying for them. People cannot be financially burdened during such a difficult time. To achieve social justice, aggrieved minorities must be given free stuff. They teach this on the first day of college.
  • I demand that Walmart corporate offices hire new staff according to an arbitrary quota formula I will devise. I’ll get back to you with the specifics, but I know for sure that there should be at least 12 Native Americans, 24 black Americans, 37 homosexuals, 321 transgenders, and 600 bisexual Hispanic feminists holding high ranking positions in your company. This is just obvious. Companies that are not run by victims cannot understand victims, and if they cannot understand victims, they cannot prevent victims from being victimized, which is really the primary job of every company and every person everywhere.
  • I demand that Walmart greeters be replaced with therapeutic asexual cuddlers. It is appalling that I ran through your store with tears streaming down my cheeks and not one – not ONE – employee offered to cuddle me and make me feel better. Every employee should be given consensual cuddle training, and there ought to be at least two specialists stationed by the entrances and exits of the stores. Again, this is obvious stuff.
  • I demand that Walmart identify marginalized employees and customers and immediately make them general managers of their own stores.
  • I demand that all customers and employees be required to ride electric scooters so that the elderly and the morbidly obese don’t feel otherized.
  • I demand that Walmart develop a strategic five year plan to end hurting and sadness. During this process, you must cooperate and consult with the Social Justice Diversity Tolerance Outreach and Inclusiveness Center, which is an institution you’ll also have to create and fund and operate and staff.

I am hereby beginning a #HungerStrike until my demands are met. Some might call me a #HeroForSocialJustice but I like to think I’m just a regular guy who’s finally taking a stand. Heroically.

You have 12 hours to do everything I’ve commanded, or else your stores will be flooded with a racially and sexually diverse group of young, well-dressed, upper middle class protesters who will hold signs and chant slogans and Tweet about the oppression you’ve brought upon them.

The clock is ticking.

Sincerely,

A #Victim

AMEN, my brother. 🙂

Political Cartoons by Glenn McCoy

A Glorious New Dawn? Or a Mushroom Cloud?

Wanna she the hope of “bipartisanship” or “cooperation” fade just pay attention to the progression in the following new item from the Washington Times with particular attention to Still Senate Majority Harry Reid.

“Hard work and tough decisions will be required of the 112th Congress. No longer can we fall short. No longer can we kick the can down the road. The people voted to end business as usual, and today we begin carrying out their instructions,” said the Ohio Republican, who leads his party’s biggest House majority in decades by a margin of 242-to-193.

He also acknowledged the “great deal of scar tissue” he said has built up over partisan fights, presaging the head-butting he and his House colleagues will likely do over the next two years with the Senate, which also convened Wednesday as Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. swore in 35 new and returning members, leaving Democrats in control, but with a much weaker 53-47 majority.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who survived his own tough re-election fight in Nevada to return to lead Senate Democrats, called on senators to see one another as “teammates, not as opponents.” Democrats are trying to write rules changes to curb “abuses” of Senate traditions he said have allowed Republicans to block parts of the Democrats’ agenda.

Aka, the Filibuster rules. They worked fine when the Republicans were in control of the Senate, but they have been annoying the Democrats who have been forced to use unconventional, even unconstitutional maneuvers to pass their agenda.

And that’s just annoying. So let’s all agree to change the rules in our favor.

And if the Senate goes Republican in 2012 you know they’ll carp and bitch about how unfair the rules they want to pass now are to them.

That’s hope dying folks.

And today the evil Republicans in the House have scheduled a reading of the US Constitution on the floor of the House.

Evil Bastards! 🙂

The Democrats new strategy, repealing ObamaCare would balloon the deficit!! As if keeping it would save us all money, oh that’s right, that IS STILL their party line despite all the actual evidence and 222 waivers!

So Partisan mudfighting is alive and well.

The children have not grown up yet.

Political Cartoon

Outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi hands the gavel to new Speaker John Boehner. | Photo by John Shinkle

Nancy Pelosi smiled and applauded on the House floor Wednesday afternoon as the clerk read the tally of the vote that formally ended her speakership.

Inside her head I bet she had visions of bludgeoning John Boehner to death and taking all the other Republicans with her!

It was the same joyless perma-grin – really, a grimace with upturned corners of the mouth – that came to define Pelosi during her four years in charge of the House: an expression meant to connote her warmth and sincerity that too often conveyed the opposite. (Washington Post)

You’re a mean one, Mrs. Grinch! 🙂

You’re a mean one, Mrs. Grinch
You really are a heel,
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mrs. Grinch,

You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mrs. Grinch,
Your heart’s an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you’ve got garlic in your soul, Mrs. Grinch,

I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a vile one, Mrs. Grinch,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mrs. Grinch,

Given a choice between the two of you I’d take the … seasick crocodile!

You nauseate me, Mrs. Grinch,
With a nauseous super “naus”,
You’re a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mrs.  Grinch,

You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich, with arsenic sauce

You’re a foul one, Mrs. Grinch,
You’re a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mrs. Grinch,

The three words that describe you are as follows, and I quote, “Stink, Stank, Stunk!”

You’re a rotter, Mrs. Grinch,
You’re the king of sinful sots,
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mrs. Grinch,

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots! (apologies to Dr. Seuss)

And now she goes back to being the sniping attack dog leading an even more liberal Democrat minority, though only 90% voted for her as Minority leader. I’m sure those 10% will be killed and eaten summarily. 🙂

So, not much hope.

The Rebels have scored a major victory, but the Second Death Star and The Empire are still out there.

And we have to hope also that our merry band of Rebel fighters have the guts for the fight.

“What they want is a government that is honest, accountable and responsive to their needs. A government that respects individual liberty, honors our heritage, and bows before the public it serves.”– Speaker Boehner
If Only…If only…

DEATH PANELS, WHAT DEATH PANELS  — Round TWO

President Barack Obama (D), along with his staff and media enablers, laughed when Sarah Palin condemned the death panels embedded in Obamacare. “She’s so silly, there is no such thing as death panels,” they piously giggled. Well they’re not laughing anymore; the officially non existent death panels, which really did exist–thank you Sarah Palin–have been uhm…terminated just a few days after Obamacare, with the aforementioned death panels, kicked in, reports Robert Pear of the New York Times.

The Obama administration, reversing course, will revise a Medicare regulation to delete references to end-of-life planning as part of the annual physical examinations covered under the new health care law, administration officials said Tuesday.

The move is an abrupt shift, coming just days after the new policy took effect on Jan. 1.

Many doctors and providers of hospice care had praised the regulation, which listed “advance care planning” as one of the services that could be offered in the “annual wellness visit” for Medicare beneficiaries.

And just why did the Obama administration so quickly drop the death panels, er end of life planning service as part of a wellness visit?

While administration officials cited procedural reasons for changing the rule, it was clear that political concerns were also a factor.

Once again, thank you Sarah Palin.

The renewed debate over advance care planning threatened to become a distraction to administration officials who were gearing up to defend the health law against attack by the new Republican majority in the House.

Distractions, distractions.

To paraphrase Shakespeare, “a death panel by any other name, say end of life planning, is still a death panel.”

To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, “a death panel is a death panel is a death panel.”

To quote Sarah Palin, “death panel.”

Be alert: Obamacare might resurrect death panels with still yet another euphemism. (American Thinker)

I hear also that instead of Death Panels the FDA will simply decide to not approve a drug that would extend life instead of treat or cure a disease. So they just won’t allow you to have the drug, thus saving them from the whole issue to begin with. If you can’t have it, then they don’t have to counsel you, you’ll just die on your own without the knowledge of it to begin with.

Now that’s your liberal compassion for you… Hail Orwell! Hail King Obama I!!

Or else…

Political Cartoon

Political Cartoon

Political Cartoon