Weed Accident

According to the Washington State Marijuana Impact Report, the incidents of marijuana-impaired driving are increasing dramatically. Fatal driving accidents have risen 122 percent between 2010 and 2014, according to the Washington State Traffic Safety Commission. The traffic safety organization AAA has its own reports on marijuana use among drivers in fatal crashes, and the picture is equally bleak.

“That’s anecdotal evidence!!” Weed advocates always say in the most predictable fashion imaginable… while citing their own anecdotal experiences. Usually something along the lines of “Pot helps me focus, man.”

YodaFacePalmReaction GIF

Try again, dummy.

As we’ve learned in the past, arguing pot is bad gets you no brownie points with the surprisingly large pot crowd. It’s a losing battle, like trying to drive efficiently while stoned out of your mind. But the potheads stopped reading at my mention of “brownies.” For you non-stoners, it gets worse…

According to the impact report… In 2014, youth under the age of 20 made up 45 percent of Washington Poison Center calls. That number of calls has increased 80 percent since legalization. One in six infants and toddlers admitted to Children’s Hospital in Colorado with coughing, wheezing, and other symptoms of bronchitis tested positive for marijuana, according to a study found in the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Okay, potheads. Remember when you said “Hey man, pot is, like, totally fine, and it’s only affecting me, so stay out of my life, bro”? No. You’re a moron. Also you reek.

Let’s be honest here: there’s an impact. Not just because of your stench. (Speaking of impacts… And it’s not maybe connected to marijuana legalization. There are studies that substantiate a definite connection. The results? Not awesome. Obviously.

If you want to get high… well you’re a moron, and getting high will make you more of a moron. But fine. After all, things like Coachella wouldn’t exist if potheads weren’t there to attend. Just don’t drive, operate any machinery, or be around children. All things, by the way, a responsible person would’ve known. But since you’re actively dumbing yourself down, on purpose, we have to spell it out for you. Thanks for that.

And no, pot’s not comparable to alcohol. There are tests that determine how much alcohol content is in your bloodstream. We can’t yet do that with weed, so it’s impossible to handle these incidents the same way. Which makes this entire ordeal much more difficult to navigate. Weed laws are messy. Almost as messy as your ganja saturated dreadlocks. Soap. Seriously, go find some.

But here’s what we know: marijuana is a mind-altering substance. So when you drive while high, you’re endangering the lives of everyone else on the road. Again, a major duh for those of us who prefer to keep our mental facilities semi-sharp. Our inability to monitor you stoners leaves the majority of the responsibility up to the smokers.

Which is problematic, because if you’re smoking weed good decisions probably aren’t your thing.

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