Kurt Schlichter: Andrew Breitbart is looking down right now, laughing uproariously that the stake through Hillary Clinton’s black, icy heart is his onanistic antagonist Anthony Wiener’s over-exposed lil’ buddy.
This is the greatest election ever was.
But now we face a prospect only slightly less terrifying than Hillary slithering back into the Oval Office. It’s President Donald J. Trump, the guy whose entire appeal is based upon the fact that we, astonishingly, could do worse.
This election isn’t over – the polls were already tightening as people decided that they could spot the GOP candidate a dozen free gropes if it meant they could avoid four years of Felonia von Pantsuit nagging them like some Article II-fueled first wife. But now FBI Director James Comey has found something on Weiner’s sticky laptop that is so astonishingly awful that even he had to jump off the cover-up express before it totally derailed.
You don’t drop this big of a deuce in the electoral punchbowl unless you know it’s so bad that it would flush what’s left of your reputation the moment your disgusted, embarrassed subordinates tried to redeem the FBI’s Clinton-smeared image by leaking it.
By the way, Comey is doing his part to help the limping Obama economy – he’s hiring a food taster and somebody to start his car.
No Gym exercise until after the election also recommended to prevent “accidents” with bar bells. Also, have a dummy agent crossn the street for you first so that they get run over by “accident”. Install some extra airbags in your car, but make sure it’s a reputable non-Clinton Foundation company.
Brace yourself: Trump could win this thing, and while I need to come to grips with the fact that events may overcome my new book, America has to come to grips with the fact we might elect a President Trump.
And boy will the Media go ballistic!! The hate they will spew for the next four years will be so vile and so vicious if he gets a hangnail they’ll call for his impeachment.
If Trump wins, we are likely to keep the House as well as the Senate. Trump will no doubt decide to pick a Twitter fight with Paul Ryan, whose palm will be permanently attached to his face. On the upside, we can expect the Senate to be able to consider a Supreme Court nominee who doesn’t think the Constitution is unconstitutional. 🙂
Sure, there’s the whole filibuster thing, but Harry Reid has taken some time away from getting his corrupt tail kicked by random gym equipment to threaten to deploy the nuclear option to help Hillary get her way, so you know Trump is going to push to do that in order to pass his agenda. Of course, first he has to get an agenda.
One thing we know Trump is unlikely to do is get us involved in any new wars, which would be a nice change. We might stop diddling around the margins with ISIS and finally stamp out those 7th Century cockroaches once and for all. While Hillary seems fixated on proving her manhood to Putin, the nice thing about Trump is that our currently-emboldened enemies will be so freaked out by his unpredictability that they might decide not to make any sudden moves lest he nuke ‘em ‘til they glow. It’s about time we bring back Fear of America’s Wrath as a key element of national power.