Think Like a Leftist: Holiday Edition

First off, the very mention of Christmas is exclusionary so I can’t say “Christmas Edition” without being politically incorrect to start with. But I’m sure I will finish strong. 🙂

1. Christmas IS exclusionary and discriminatory. Isn’t everything about a Leftist just want to scream “discriminatory” at the drop of any hat (actually you don’t even need a hat). Christmas discriminates against any one who isn’t a Christian, you evil bastards. So like every -ism that a Leftist can come up with this is just another way that right wing Christians have an unfair advantage and we all know that Leftists are all about “fairness”. 🙂

And they hate “intolerance” and “discrimination” of any kind, under any pretense. 🙂

2. Redistribution Fairness. Redistribution of Wealth and making every mediocre poor is a Leftist Utopia  (look at Cuba). Everyone his the same. Everyone is Equal. Everything is Fair. So, when it comes to Christmas it is n’t fair that some kids get presents and some don’t. Screw the fact that there are charities for this kind of thing, they still don’t get the job done for EVERY child so we should mandate that at least 1 present per child should be given to the Government to be redistributed to those in need (and who vote for Democrats or who will vote for Democrats in the future) just to be “fair”. White people should give 2, just as reperations for slavery. It’s social justice, you now.

We can even open a new branch of The Government, The Bureau of Fairness. Yeah, that’s the ticket!!

Or here’s an even better solution…

3. But the quandary for The Leftist is that Christmas, as configured today, is fundamentally a Capitalist Consumer Fest. A virtual gorging of consumerism. And Leftist hate capitalism! It’s Greedy, it’s dirty, it’s unfair. So they have a problem.

Solution: Let the Government run it! That’s the Leftist solution for everything isn’t it?

You will barred from buying your own gifts and the Government will do it based on that grand and glorious Leftist principle:

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

Peace and Happiness shall reign on Earth! Fairness to All and to All a Good Night!!

Thus Christmas can finally be fair. It’s just that the poor, the illegal, and Democrat will get everything and those dirty, nasty, greedy right wingers will finally be on the perpetual naughty list and we’ll find a more socially acceptable use for coal– they’ll get it for Christmas presents but be barred from using it for energy production!!

4. And we’ll do away with that Old, Fat, White Christian symbol of Christmas, St. Nick, aka Santa Claus. I mean really, we’re celebrating White People! and The Morbidly Obese! Are you kidding me!

The Morbidly Obese are not “jolly”. They are a health hazard to everyone and should not be held up as a symbol of anything good.

Christmas Candy has to be replaced with Broccoli (because George W. Bush hated broccoli, of course!) 🙂

5. And cutting down a perfectly good tree just to stuff it in your Living room for a few nights, then throw it away! Are you kidding me!

Think of the harm to Global Warming. Think of the fire Hazard. It’s unsafe for all mankind and should be banned immediately!

Deforestation is not a joke!

As for artificial trees, well they use up valuable electricity and are also a waste of energy.

Christmas Ornament are exclusionary, I mean a Christmas Star or Angel at the top, I mean really? Think of all the other religions you’re excluding by that act you hateful person.

6.Santa’s Workshop. Some old fat white guy who enslaves elves to manufacture his toys for him so he reap the benefits of the profits and the adulation of the public. How evil is that. At the very least the Elves need a Union to represent them and they need a more diverse work environment. The racial balance is all wrong. The EEOC needs to do a thorough review of the conditions and then we need to get Unions in their to get the elves some fair working conditions.  Are they even getting $15/hr??

7. We need to move Santa’s Workshop because the North Pole is threatened by Global Warming and we have to think about The Polar Bears so this an environmentally sensitive area. Plus, being at the North Pole also affords him to much privacy and he needs much more oversight. Someone call Green Peace.

8. Reindeer. Really? That’s animal cruelty making them pull a sleigh for an old, fat, white guy. What do you think they are Black Slaves! No, we have to get PeTA in there to save the Reindeer.

9. Bah humbug! Scrooge was a nasty old capitalist slave driver anyhow.

Just about every year at this time, “A Christmas Carol’ shows up somewhere on TV, as do headlines about how one Republican or another is the modern equivalent of the tale’s greedy miser, Ebenezer Scrooge.

“The GOP’s sad Scrooge agenda.” “GOP Protecting Ebenezer Scrooge.” “Maher Likens Republicans to Ebenezer Scrooge.” “Republicans play the role of the stingy Scrooge.”

You have to wonder if these folks have actually read “A Christmas Carol” or spent any time pondering what Scrooge actually says and does. Because if you do, you come to realize that Scrooge more closely resembles a modern liberal than a conservative.

A major clue comes early in the story, when two men collecting for charity arrive at Scrooge’s office. After asking Scrooge for a donation to help the poor and needy, Scrooge responds: “Are there no prisons? And the Union workhouses? Are they still in operation? The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigor?”

He goes on to say, “I help to support the establishments I have mentioned — they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.”

Modern translation: I pay taxes to support the welfare state, why should I give money to you?

Turns out, that’s a decidedly liberal viewpoint.

Studies have consistently shown that big-government liberals donate far less money to private charities than conservatives. In his book “Who Really Cares,” Arthur Brooks notes that households headed by conservatives give 30% more to charity than households headed by liberals. Another study found that even poor conservatives donate more than rich liberals .

There are other facets to Scrooge’s character that line up better with modern liberals.

During that same conversation, Scrooge says it might be better for the poor who are unwilling to go on welfare to die “and decrease the surplus population.”

Cold and heartless, yes. But which side is always bemoaning overpopulation? From Paul Ehrlich in the late 1960s to environmentalists today, it’s been a fixation of the left, not the right.

Al Gore, for example, once urged making “fertility management ubiquitously available” to fight the scourge of carbon-producing people.

Also like most liberals today, Scrooge was clearly a religious skeptic and not a churchgoer. In fact, Dickens points out that one of the first things Scrooge does on the Christmas morning after his visits by the spirits is get on his knees and pray, and then go to church.

A 2012 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science concluded that “religious individuals tend to be more conservative.” A Gallup survey found that 55% of conservatives, but just 27% of liberals, are “frequent” churchgoers. And a Social Capital Community Benchmark Survey found that religious conservatives outnumber religious liberals in America nearly four to one.

Scrooge was also unhappy, a mood found more frequently on the left. Pew Research, for example, found that conservative were 68% more likely to say they were “very happy” than liberals, and that this “happiness gap” has existed since 1972.

Want more?

The fact that Scrooge was single and childless puts him on the left side of today’s political spectrum.

Writing in the New York Times, Brooks notes that 53% of conservatives are married, vs. 33% of liberals, “and almost none of the gap is due to the fact that liberals tend to be younger.” Conservatives also have more kids than liberals.

Finally, lest you think Scrooge was intolerant — the one sin the left still abhors — consider how he instructs his nephew on the virtues of tolerance.

“Keep Christmas in your own way,” he tells Fred, “and let me keep it in mine.”

QED. (IBD)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night! 🙂

Political Cartoons by Bob Gorrell


Political Cartoons by Nate Beeler

 

 

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